Grief
by DeliciousNewYork
Summary: After the death of a close friend, how will Ron and Hermione deal? especially after Ron starts taking abusive substances RHr


A/N: This is pretty drak especially towards the end, so brace yourself

Disclaimer: I own nothing

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Grief

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"Hermione-"Ron stopped, the words falling from his mouth. He knew what he wanted to say, he wanted to say "Look at me! Talk to me! Remember me!" But Hermione hadn't even stirred. She sat perfectly still, in typical school girl fashion, straight backed and serious. She didn't cry in front of him, though he knew she had while she was alone in her chambers.

He had tried to comfort her, knocking on her door, and when she didn't answer, trying to pry it open. She had always been good with charms though and she had fastened the door shut in such a way that it was impossible for him to open. Now sitting next to her in the home in which he had grown up, he felt again like a small boy, unsure of what to do or say. Some things would never change, he supposed.

Of course some things had changed all too much. With Harry gone, a part of him felt as though the last little droplets of his innocence had died with him.

Ron put an arm around Hermione's shoulders, trying, trying to get any kind of response. She turned her head a little further away from him, and his arm sat awkward atop her sharp shoulders.

"Damn it Hermione! Talk to me!" Hermione turned her head to look at him, slowly and smoothly.

"Ron, honestly, don't be so emotional," The words were sharp, as if edged with razors.

"Don't be so emotional?" He snapped, "At least I'm human," His voice cracked on the word and Hermione's jaw tightened. "Why are you acting like this? Like it didn't even happen? He's gone Hermione, I'm all you have left, so… talk to me-"

"I don't want to talk about it, Ron," She said his name like it was sour in her mouth. "It happened, it's over, I'm _fine_ and I'm not going to put up with you and your drugged emotional bullshit!" He knew that his new taking to muggle drugs bothered her.

"Why won't you cry in front of me?" The words came out of his mouth before he had even thought them, accompanied by his own tears.

"Because I don't want you to comfort me," Hermione said harshly, "Don't you see that? I don't want you holding me and crying with me and telling me everything will be ok!" Her voice had risen to a yell and she paused, her face crumbling from anger to her own forbidden tears, sliding down her cheeks against her will. She wiped her eyes furiously pulling away from Ron's comforting hand. "Because it's not, it's not ok," She started in a low voice, "And it's not going to be."

Ron was stunned silent it was as if they had taken on each others demeanor, him silent and unable to move and her dying to continue but afraid.

"Hermione.. I'm sorry-" Ron stumbled over the only words that came to mind, words he knew fell short of what she expected of him, wasn't that their normal trend, she expecting great things from him, and him failing her?

"Don't be," her tears had dried and her voice was back to controlled and icy, "You didn't do anything wrong- How could you have, when you didn't do anything at all." She stood and stalked out of the room before he could respond. She was right and he knew it. He had failed her again, just as he had failed Harry.

_I can't do this anymore_, he thought as self-hate welled up inside him. _You failed the two people you love most_. His vision was blurred and he cursed himself for crying. _You fucking child, emotional, pathetic child. _He couldn't handle it anymore, his nails clawed against his flesh, _Evil, evil child, selfish evil- Why wasn't I there, why wasn't I the one that was killed? _A thought crossed his mind that maybe it had been purposeful, maybe he had wanted Harry to die, maybe he had hoped that if Harry died, he could be the poor praised hero. _Evil, horrible child. _Maybe with Harry gone, Hermione would finally cling to him, depend on him- _Demon. She's too good for you- _He felt possessed as if creatures ran beneath his skin, small evil creatures. He raced into his kitchen.

"I'll cut them out with a knife," He muttered frantically to himself, his breath was heavy and ragged and his hands shook as him made short deep cuts into his abdomen. Blood spilled from the cuts staining his pale skin. The steady dark red streams turned into small demons crawling out of his soul and searching for a new victim to infect.

His thought raced to Hermione, unprotected from the demons, he had to keep them in… As much as they pained him, he couldn't let them get to her. He paced the room crying and cursing and clutching his abdomen where his blood continued to stream. He had to close them in, trap them inside of him.

He grabbed the dragon leather belt from the loops of his pants and raced out of the room and up the stair case stopping just outside of the room where Hermione was undoubtedly thinking about how much she _hated_ him. He tied one end of the belt to the banister and hesitated. Part of him wanted to say good bye, one last good bye- He wiped the tears from his eyes with a blood stained hand- The demons, it was too late, he couldn't go near her while the demons bubbled so angrily from him. He looped the other end of the belt around his neck and without a second thought climbed over the banister.

The belt tightened around his neck, trapping in the demons and freeing Ron's tortured soul from their grasp.

Hermione opened her door slowly, she could hear Ron crying on the other side, but his crying had stopped now, hers on the other hand, had just begun.

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A/N: Reviews of all kinds are gladly accepted and considered 


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